(¯`·._.• Lyrics of My Life •._.·´¯)

Last day at work. Big sigh of relief. No regrets, just hopes. Hv been planning of leaving since last October, but somehow managed to keep it going, since i had to. Big compromise that didn’t really work, but i didn’t hv much choice. Looking forward 2 a new experience with much less compromise. Still unknown…

I won’t think well of the time i spent here, but i’ve certainly learnt alot. What hv i learnt? I think 2 myself..

I’ve learnt that wut’s a year in our lives? doesn’t count 4 much when u lose it, but can change your life if u make good use of it. Time does go by if u just want it to..

I’ve learnt that i hv 2 do what i love in order 2 achieve and be satisfied. Just like i hv 2 be with whom i love. The more i compromise in that, the more i achieve less, and am less happy..

I’ve learnt that at times it seems like i know exactly what i want and what i love, its just very hard to get, so i just hveto make the right compromise. And when i do, hope 4 the best..

I’ve learnt that compromise is part of life, yet too much compromise can hurt..

I’ve learnt that giving up is not an option. When u give up u lose, and no one wants to lose..

I’ve learnt that my career (and job) is important to me, no matter how hard i try to convince myself otherwise. Achievements can be done in various ways, but i’m a single-minded person and that’s usually how i invest in myself. That investment is not 2 make money and hv a higher price, but 2 achieve, 2 do something useful. That is my return on my investment, its the usefulness i convince myself of doing. Contributing 2 the improvement of life as much as i can..

I’ve learnt that a work-life balance is crucial, but work is part of life, and its exhilarating 2 work when u don’t have to. And i miss it..

I’ve learnt that i’ve been raised 2 contribute through my work, & everything else is secondary. While not necessarily right, being raised like that makes thinking otherwise not seem right..

I’ve learnt that nothing lasts. Not the bad thing, nor the good thing. Just try to get as much good as you can. For me, its harder than normal. I’m not a lucky person in general, and things don’t come that easily for me. I miss and miss and miss, even if i try hard enough, but when it works out, it just feels so good. But i know it still doesn’t last..

I’ve learnt that i’m starting to lose my strong sense of attachment to people & to things. It was very easy to quit this job. U’d think that with age my sense of attachment would grow stronger & i’d grow more dependant on things and people i’m attached too, but no. With all the things and people i’ve lost over the years, i’m growing indifferent. Haven’t developed a strong bond to a thing or to a person in ages. Something that i’m most certainly missing, but it makes me travel much lighter..

I’ve learnt that patience is a virtue, but i wish we didn’t have to wait so long, and try so many things, especially when not knowing what the end would be..

I’m also learning that life is as beautiful as we make of it. We think we know what we want, we work on getting what we want, but Allah knows best..

Sometimes i wonder how my life would be if all what i hope for just happens, and all my not-so-successful experiences just never happened. Sounds like it would be nice. But i’m not doing that bad after all, & thanks Allah the Almighty for all. Wouldn’t know what to do without the peaks of hope i get from time to time. And i’m waiting 4 the last transaction to be keyed in the system. The last task 4 me to do in this big gigantic company..yeah. Thats it.

Now i feel so sad..thinking of the past..remember the time when we used to cry, remember the time we used to laugh, and talk about our dreams living for today while riding to work..& riding back home.. eventho it was so small.. now those days are gone forever, wish i’d make them last. So that’s wut i’ve been thinking 4 the past several days. Gonna miss all those moments.. It draws near. :’(

There’ll be a party tomorrow. Wuhuu. Mama & baba r not going back to kampung. Sib baik. They r going to dato’ harun din’s walimah, aku x leh gi laa arini balik lmbt sket. Abg sabri is now flying to mecca to do his duties as a doc for the pilgrims of the Hajj pilgrimage. Asked him to pray 4 us as he reach the Kaabah. InsyaAllah. Teringat when i was in Mekah, suprisingly the Kaabah is not as big as i expected. Tengok dlm gambar mcm besar sgt, tapi it just like a black box, not so high not so huge. Tapi Subhanallah. Stiap org mengelilinginya. Tawaf around, if we can c the view from the top, its like a clock, circling non-stop. Byk burung helang circling gak atas Kaabah tu. Mcm tawaf sama2. Udara kat sekitar tu nyaman, x panas. Even kalo ikut location & geografinye, Kaabah tu kat dlm lembah, kat kawasan yg rendah, tepi2 smua kawasan tinggi & bukit. Thats y penah skali dulu banjir kat Kaabah tu. That was long long time ago b4 i was born la. Bila tawaf wida’ (goodbye), rasa sayu sgt nak tinggalkan & most of us mengalir air mata. Takpe. Next time insyaAllah, kena pegi lagi utk Haji, bila dimurahkan rezeki. Tingat kat Pak Su Teh yg tinggal kat Jeddah. Sambut kitowang huaaa dasat. Jamu makanan mcm 15 org nak makan, padahal 4 org jek. Sayang x sempat amek gambar the food served..hehe, penat sgt. Pengalaman. Bagi aku, elok & alhamdulillah sedap hati sket dah pegi ke Tanah Suci, b4 pegi berjalan ke negara lain. Sblum gi melancong ke tempat lain, eloklah didahulukan ke Tanah Suci. Ibadah dahulu, kan. Tak mcm some ppl tu (who i know very much), 1 dunia dah pegi, sebut je, pekan kecik kat german ke, dusseldorf ke, ape ke, smua dah. bila tanye mekah dah ke?? terus diam. huh. hampeh. byk duit tapi tak reti nak bersyukur. sedih. takyah la buat2 lupa, rezeki tu smua dtg dpd Allah juga. Kan. nanti bila diturunkan bala’ (na’uzubillahi min zalik), tak kira la yg dah gi haji ke blum ke smua kena. lump sum. Wallahua’lam.

So.. 9 days more to go.. hehe. subangjaya is actually not a good place to reduce the stress level.. heee. i like bangi much much more than any other place. the ppl r more educated (lecturers, teachers, ustaz, engineers etc), and when u go to the shopping mall (warta & billion), still can c lots of makcik2 pakai tudung, pakcik2 pakai kopiah, girls pakai baju kurung, even lil kids wearing tudung as well. then u go to metro kajang, u’ll feel like u r an alien! too many teenagers loitering, showing off their pride getups, mcm org gile, too many punk-ers & black metal-ers. tahpahape. i’m not saying that sapa yg pakai tudung is good, but atleast, atleast, kita hormat tuntutan agama. kan. Ppl in sj r kinda sombong, prasan bagus & x pduli org lain.. dlm fikiran dah embed statement “helo, ko sapa?? aku dulik apa..” tapi x smua laaaa..ada gak yg ok.. kebanyakan yg aku jumpa mcm sumbung laa.. the worst thing is the congested traffic & no enuf parking lot.. pack gile sakit paler tengok. kat bangi, mana ade jem.. jem sket je tu pun kat traffic light on peak hour time je (7 a.m & 5 p.m).. Hmm..takpelah. tapi housing kat sj mmg cantik2 la & gempak2 blaka..especially yg dpt corner lot.. then renovate kaw2 punye..bile tengok kesian gak pun ade..sbb supposed it shud be a bungalow la..sebijik, not attached to the others. kan. x kesah la. janji bahagia. hehe. ok la. killing my time.

Di sini kau dan aku.. terbiasa bersama.. menjalani kasih sayang.. bahagia kudenganmu.. pernahkah kau menguntai.. hari paling indah.. ku ukir nama kita berdua.. di sini syurga kita.. bila kita mencintai yang lain.. mungkinkah hati ini akan tegar.. sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah.. sayang ku akan hilang.. if u love somebody.. could we be this strong.. i will fight to win.. our love will conquer all.. wouldn’t risk my love.. even just one night.. our love will stay in my heart.. my heart..

I think i wanna take some time off my ‘hectic’ schedule lah.. catch up with my frens (like nemah, nad, atun, fiza kecik, baya…) & have some fun time together.. hopefully it can help to reduce my anxiety & stress level.. hoho. Have to refuse to take the offer from atun to decorate her sister’s hantaran.. bile masa nak buat, i’m afraid i cant, the wedding is on 23rd nov, hotel istana. Nak yg extravaganza punye lak tuh. Sori la atun, yours next time, insyaallah, i will.